I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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