Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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