He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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