Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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