Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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