I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize