My girlfriend figured out who you are.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
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Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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