Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize