i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
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Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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