then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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