once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize