she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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