How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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