3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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