The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
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i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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