He is such a slut. More and more my type.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize