i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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