dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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