Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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