i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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