Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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