Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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