You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize