I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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