I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize