i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize