he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize