the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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