she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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