I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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