I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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