I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize