well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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