GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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