i would punch a child for taco bell
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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