I wish you could order shots online.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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