plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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