I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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