just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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