I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
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ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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