Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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then he tried to convert me to islam
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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