life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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