did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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