so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
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Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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