the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
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So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize