at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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