happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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