I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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