I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize