She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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