Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
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Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He has the fingertips of a God
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