Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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